grow some chesticals
guceubcuesu:

simplypurkey:

jazzumon:

destielkills:

auntiesnixshipper:

awkwardteenagenerves:

discard-and-discover:

evolve-within:

disregardwomen:

When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.


That last story is worth reblogging

my mom stabbed a guy who broke into our house that we just bought and we threw him in the lake just outside town and we found out this cop guy had this chinese sex slave chained in his basement. he’s dead now so it’s all good  but I’m still having some weird oedipus complex trouble’s with my mother. My mom’s so cute, too bad I don’t have a father anymore since I killed him with a blender

Are you Norman Bates

guceubcuesu:

simplypurkey:

jazzumon:

destielkills:

auntiesnixshipper:

awkwardteenagenerves:

discard-and-discover:

evolve-within:

disregardwomen:

When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.

That last story is worth reblogging

my mom stabbed a guy who broke into our house that we just bought and we threw him in the lake just outside town and we found out this cop guy had this chinese sex slave chained in his basement. he’s dead now so it’s all good  but I’m still having some weird oedipus complex trouble’s with my mother. My mom’s so cute, too bad I don’t have a father anymore since I killed him with a blender

Are you Norman Bates

lillyhasatumblr:

andiameverything:

spacelionsgetscared:

oh fuck every time i see it i laugh so fucking hard. i have to reblog this every time. i can’t not reblog this
lOOK AT THE GUY IN THE BACKGROUND HE’S LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF

this is so great omg

He looks at his hand like it’s the first time he’s ever seen it.

lillyhasatumblr:

andiameverything:

spacelionsgetscared:

oh fuck every time i see it i laugh so fucking hard. i have to reblog this every time. i can’t not reblog this

lOOK AT THE GUY IN THE BACKGROUND HE’S LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF

this is so great omg

He looks at his hand like it’s the first time he’s ever seen it.

dailylifeofadisneyfreak:

books-on-tables:

areyoutryingtodeduceme:

mrbluechalk:

radioactivepapertowns:

wizard-me-timbers:

I totally remember watching this as a kid and thinking that looked like the most delicious biscuit/cookie in the world

me too!

when in reality was’t it a ritz cracker dipped in water?

THAT’S CREME A LA CREME A LA EDGAR YOU IGNORANT SLUT

every so often I sometimes get a mug of milk, add a splash of vanilla extract, a spoonful of sugar, and a sprinkle of cinnamon and heat it in the microwave and have it with Ritz Crackers and pretend it’s Creme A La Creme A La Edgar and it’s seriously just the best.

I JUST MADE THAT MYSELF AND AM CURRENTLY HAVING RITZ CRACKERS WITH IT AND LEMME TELL YOU THIS SHIT IS DELICIOUS

SOMEONE FOUND THE RECIPE TO CREME A LA CREME A LA EDGAR

sonia-nevermind:

sylveonsaccharide:

sonia-nevermind:

sonia-nevermind:

ADS THAT SUDDENLY TAKE UP THE WHOLE PAGE

image

ADS THAT SUDDENLY TAKE UP THE WHOLE PAGE AND PLAY MUSIC

image

What about ads that play music, but you can’t find them anywhere on the page?

image

Something wrong with your leg boy? Can you walk? I got to carry you? Fine little blade. Maybe I’ll pick my teeth with it.

femininefreak:

Sex Education in American Public Schools

thespacegoat:

zacksplosion:

gimmegrimmy:

thecityofpawnee:

nerdmodeactivated:

tea-in-the-tardis:

bakuraryou:

OK SO IN ENGLAND THIS IS WHAT A RUBBER IS

image

AND SOMEONE ON MY DASH JUST MENTIONED PUTTING A ‘RUBBER’ ON YOUR PENIS AND

I GOT REALLY REALLY CONFUSED

THIS IS WHAT WE CALL A RUBBER IN AUSTRALIA TOO. WE FEEL YOUR PAIN.

SAME WITH NEW ZEALAND.

We don’t have those in America because we don’t make mistakes.

image

image

THAT WAS ONE TIME

HE WAS ELECTED TWICE.

murder-myself:

the most emotional post on tumblr

northernlites94:

#AND I’M A CRYING DISASTER

We named our little dog that looks like a fox so much he is one and we named him Tod :)